its just

there is people saying "what you give, you get back"

that is true, i guess based on what have happened to me for several years back.
i am now, feel that i just have been giving a new breath to live my life onward.
just now still collecting all the pieces of broken spirit and keeping it deep inside my soul.

in my life, i have never ever gone through hardest time even in a minute.

and now,
what i must really do is ready to get out from my free-zone of life which is i in it since my existence. by then i might force myself to prepare all the things i need in my life without depend on someone. as Allah has given me mind and soul, i should use it at best as it's reason of creation. no more begging!

might be once i get out of the life free-zone, i can handle my life better. and i don't deny that might be i will go through the trouble hardest time before i can adapt to my new condition.

always give a try and never ever give up, raise your hands up and make do'a, and give all decisions to Allah.